The Three Words That Change Everything
(written by a human)
“Language is the clothing of the mind.” Martin Prechtel
Essentially this is an essay on the blindingly obvious. Please forgive me. I’m sharing it because the blindingly obvious often receives the least attention, yet holds seeds for profound transformation.
We use language constantly. It’s the primary medium of communication between humans. Apart from communications professionals, few of us give a great deal of consideration to the language we use, especially when we speak informally. Yet hidden in the language we use are all of our assumptions about how life is, and all of the frameworks we hang our beliefs, actions and decisions on.
Words are spells.
Three little words...
…that change everything.
You may object to the word ‘spell’. You may find it unsettlingly close to magical thinking. Ungrounded. Or you may find it a wonderful, powerful little word. The Cambridge Dictionary defines ‘spell’ thus: spoken words that are thought to have magical power, or (the condition of being under) the influence or control of such words.
It’s not just gravelly incantations chanted by gnarly witches over sulphurous iron cauldrons that are spells (did you just imagine that scene?).
All words are spells.
In case you doubt this, let me give you an example:
You’re relaxing on a towel at the beach. You’ve just been for a swim and you’re soaking up the rays and feeling tiny salt crystals tightening on your warm skin. I run down to the beach and shout out ‘Quick! Get up! You need to call home, something awful has happened!”
Your most likely response is to pepper me with questions about who and what as you gather your possessions, fumble for your phone and hurry off the beach to make a call. Your nervous system goes from relaxed to highly activated. My words have plunged you into urgent action. It doesn’t matter whether what I’ve said is true or not.
The fact that I have not only moved you to action, but have also had an impact on your nervous system through the utterance of one simple statement, demonstrates the staggering power of words.
This is obvious right? Let’s go deeper.
The placebo effect is no joke
How often have you heard people dismiss an outcome where a person was primed with certain words as ‘oh that’s just the placebo effect’. A medical trial for example, where Group A are given the genuine drug for a specific condition and Group B are given a placebo (an inert pill that is assumed will do nothing). Inevitably there are a few (or many) people in Group B who report an improvement in their symptoms simply because someone told them that they were receiving a drug that would improve their symptoms.
We talk about the placebo effect as if it’s no big deal. As if improvements in symptoms related to taking a pill with no active ingredient are not massively significant. In fact, it’s wildly significant that the placebo pill works. It points to the power of words as spells. I tell you you’re taking an experimental drug that will improve your symptoms. You take a placebo. Your symptoms improve. Magic!
Of course, there are a raft of factors that impact whether a placebo actually creates any improvement. Including (but not limited to): the level of trust a participant has in the medical establishment, the level of trust the participant has in the specific drug trial team, the relationship of the participant with their health condition, the expectation of the participant, how much the participant believes change is possible, the participant's neurobiology etc.
On average, placebo effects account for over half of the observed effects in many randomised trials. That’s worth paying attention to. Participants’ mental and emotional states, and their physiology is altered (just like in the earlier beach example) through the perception that a state change is possible. And that perception is created through the words used to describe the experience they are participating in.
I will dive deeper into the why and how placebos work at a later date Suffice it to say that the placebo effect points to many fascinating things, not least of which is the power of words.
Words are spells
Circling around to Martin Prechtel’s brilliant observation at the beginning of this post, let’s examine how we are casting spells where we are the subject.
In every interaction you have, the words you use are shaping your mental, emotional and physical state. The shape you mould for yourself then determines your actions and experience.
For example:
You’re at a flashy business gala. Everyone is dressed up. A few of the people there are very high profile. Photographers are snapping small groups of smiling attendees. A stranger walks over to you and says “You must be [your name here]. I’ve heard a lot about you and I’d love to hear more about your work.”
In that moment, you have an opportunity to clothe your mind in many ways. Your inner dialogue will impact how you respond. The words you speak will shape the whole interaction.
If, for example, your inner dialogue is ‘who the hell is this joker? Why hasn’t he introduced himself? I’m not sure I want to share my work with him. Maybe he’s a competitor trying to steal my ideas ….’, those words will have a strong impact on your mental, emotional and physiological state. Your body language may change to being more closed. You might respond with: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I know you. Which company are you from and what’s your interest in my work?”
He’s now on the back foot. The conversation is awkward and stilted. Eventually he moves off to talk to someone else. Perhaps your inner dialogue is ‘oh shit, I handled that badly.’ There’s a cascading effect on your nervous system and emotions and you leave the event feeling flat.
Alternatively, your inner dialogue is “Ooh, how interesting. I wonder how he knows about my work. I wonder what he does and how our work might intersect. Maybe there’s a fantastic opportunity here and even if there isn’t, I’m curious.” Your nervous system is activated - expecting good things.
So you turn towards him, smile and say ‘Hey, lovely to meet you. I’m glad my reputation precedes me! Tell me about your work and what opportunities you think might be there …”
The stranger smiles back, opens up about his work, his vision, and possibilities for collaborating. You have a stimulating and vibrant conversation, abundant in shared thinking and excitement. You spend all night discussing a very viable opportunity and leave the event with an exploratory meeting booked in for the following week.
Your inner dialogue on the way home is ‘Wow, how amazing to have met that person and had that convo. I’m really looking forward to next week. I’m so glad I went to that event.’
Of course, as I said at the very beginning, all of this is blindingly obvious. The inner dialogue and the outer dialogue determine both how you feel, how you respond and ultimately the experience you have.
The language you clothe your mind with determines your life experience.
Words are spells.
(Let’s not even get started on the wild magic of mass collusion on the meaning of collection of shapes (letters) and how they apply to reality.)
Clean up your spell casting
The language you use changes your reality. It’s simple. But we’re all pretty addicted to our frameworks for seeing and describing the world. If you’d like to shift your framework and open up more possibility for positive impact, let’s talk.